Life's Consequences

It's hard to believe how quickly the last two months have gone by. I will have been in Indianapolis two months on the fourth of this month. My husband is still in jail, he's been there since May 20th. I believe he is suppose to go to court this week on one of the charges.

I am doing fine, I still sometimes miss my "home". I loved our house, even though it was old, 140 years old to be exact, it had character! Of course I miss my son and his family and my church home also. But I talk to him almost daily on the phone.

I miss my step daughter, who is back in Washington with her mom. I worry about her though. The influences around her now are not very positive and I pray the values and things she was taught by us and her youth group will not fall by the wayside.

I've received a couple of letters from my husband. In both he says how sorry he is, how he wants one more chance to be the husband I've always wanted him and needed him to be, how he has turned his life back over to the Lord, is going to NA meetings and bible study in jail.

My response to this? Good for you, but what happens when you get out of jail? It's easy to say how sorry you are, how you are determined to stay clean and sober, that you are spending every day reading the bible, attending meetings, ect. when you are locked up and have nothing else to do.

The first part of his letters always start with this stuff and then go on to say how he needs my help, could I find it in my heart to put some money on his books so he can get soap, toothpaste, envelopes, paper and stamps? His last letter he made sure to say it would be awhile before he was able to write again because he didn't have the money on his books to buy more paper and stuff.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but guess what, not getting another letter doesn't bother me much. He obvisoulsy still has the same attitude that makes him believe he can manipulate me emotionally by trying to make me feel sorry for him. Guess what...it's not going to work!

I have replied to his letters and told him that although I have forgiven him (because the Lord says we must forgive) it does not mean we will get back together or that I am now responsible to "help" him. It is time for him to rely soley on the Lord!

I reminded him that weeks before I left and he was finally arrested that if he continued down the road he was on he would go back to jail, and this time there would be nothing waiting for him when he was released! He did not listen and now he has made his bed and must now lay in it.

I told him that although I  care what happens to him, I pray for him every day and wish things could be different I will not take yet another chance that his 'new found faith and desire to be clean' will stick this time. It would be one thing if this was the first time he has caused us to lose everything, that he has chosen drugs over me and his family, but it's not the first time! But it will be the last.

He has become so use to people giving him chance after chance, to my being there for him and giving him chance after chance that I believe he thinks I am not serious about what I am telling him. And he still has the idea that because I am a Christian I HAVE to reconcile with him and help him. He has use the 'you're a Christian so you have to be there for me no matter what I do' card for years. What he doesn't understand is there comes a point when the consequences of a person's choices have to be lived with.

I was thinking about this last week when I read in the bible how Moses, although he was God's chosen to lead Isreal out of Egypt, God did not allow Moses to enter the promised land because he disobeyed God. God forgave him and took him to heaven, but he was not allowed to enter the "earthly promised land". I think this is a good comparision.

In all the years we have been married, he has relied on me to "take care of him", and not on the Lord. We used to actually get into arguments when he would ask me what he should do in certain situations that I had no idea how to handle, or even worse those I would give my opinion about and he did not agree with, situations that he should have been seeking God's direction on not mine. When I would tell him he needed to pray about it he would get mad at me.

He has always gone to his dad or family when a need came up instead of relying on and trusting God. Now even his family has cut him off because instead of being a help they were enabling his addiction.
It's not like the Lord had not given him a ton of chances and showed him an abundance of grace over the last couple of years, yet he chose to see that grace as a 'license' to keep making sinful destructive life choices. Just like in his relationship with me, I think he just figured no matter what he did, God would not only forgive him but bail him out!

Now he no longer has a home or a family to go back to when he does get out of jail. Not only that he probably no longer has any clothes or personal belongings left. A week before he was arrested he let some girl move in to "rent" a room. After he went to jail all his drug 'friends' moved into the house, turning it into a drug house. He had sold all the antique furniture when I left, all of which paid for me drugs.

Because he had given this girl permission to move in there was nothing I could do about it. After countless calls to the Greeville Police department I learned they didn't really care what was going on and kept saying it was a "civil matter". Because my husband had let this girl move in only he could say she couldn't be there and of course he couldnt do that from jail. Basically by the time all was said and done, druggies had pretty much cleaned out anything that could be sold, they even took one of the water heaters!

 The house had holes in the walls, the owner (after he paid a visit to my husband to get the Quick Deed signed) found needles, drug paraphenailia, empty baggies and powder residue on the large mirror from the dinning room. Most if not all of my husbands clothes were gone also.

 I feel pity for him but at the same time, it's not like he was not warned of the consequences repeatedly! He will have a rough time when he does get out of jail, but that is between him and God. I have already told him several times in letters our getting back together is NOT an option and he absolutey cannot come here.
I've begun getting calls from the jail on my cell phone, apparently someone sent him my number. He had asked for it in his first letter and I refused to send it to him.

 I don't know why he thinks I will answer his call. First of all I really don't want to talk to him because, even though he may be sincere in the things he is saying, and I hope that he is for his sake I don't want to have to actually 'listen' to him as he tries to convince me how sorry he is. Not to mention I refuse to pay for a collect call. Calls from jail are ridiculously high! I think he has cost me enough already.

I do hope that someday his relationship with his daughter can be healed, along with his relationship with his dad, hopefully before it's too late. I pray he is sincere about his life change, especially when it comes to his relationship with the Lord because if he is not, then he will never get back the relationships with his family and there will be no hope for him in this life or the next!

As for me I will continue to move on with my life! There are times I think about all the years we had been together, and there were some good moments, unfortunately the not so good moments far outweigh the good. And even though there are times I actually do miss him, I am reminded of how things have gone and especially how the last few months of our marriage progressed...that alone is enough to keep me from even considering any possibility of reconciliation!

He did it AGAIN!  Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos brought home the win against San Diego last night! (November 27). The team overcame the struggling Chargers 16-13 in overtime in last nights game. Bringing the Bronco to a 6-5 - winning four straight games. Tebow carried the ball 22 times for 67 yards giving him the record for the most carries in a game since 1950. According toSTATS LLC. 

Known for his strong faith in Christ and his routine of thanking God after every touch town, kneeling in prayer after every game which seems to grate on the nerves of not only some fans who are offended by his faith but other players in the League. Former Denver Quarter Back Jake Plummer has said that although he praises Tebows ablilities he would like his successor a lot more if he publicly praised Jesus Christ less. According to an article in USA Today.  

I love how Tim responded to this critisim from those who seem to take issue with his very public displays of faith. Via ESPN's First Take, he said in part: "If you're married, and you have a wife, and you really love your wife, is it good enough to only say to your wife 'I love her' the day you get married? Or should you tell her every single day when you wake up and every opportunity? And that's how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ is that it is the most important thing in my life. So any time I get an opportunity to tell him that I love him or given an opportunity to shout him out on national TV, I'm gonna take that opportunity."

I find it so interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for celebrities to get up and thank God for awards, or thank God for their blessings in public and it doesn't cause a stir but if you thank Jesus Christ and use his name in a prayer or give him any credit or glory people become offended.

Why do you think that is? I'm not asking because I don't know, I do know the answer. Jesus himself even told us people would be offended by him and some would even hate him. (Matthew 24:8-10)And in turn will hate his followers.

Logically this makes no sense to me. Jesus did nothing but love people, help them, teach them good from evil and give all he had, including his life. Regardless of whether or not you believe in God or the Bible, historically Jesus was a real live person who walked this earth, who was crucified by the Romans at the insistance of the Pharisees and according to a vast number of witnesses rose from the grave. 

Now why would anyone be offended, logically speaking by his name? The name of someone who showed the world what true unconditional love really was? The name of a man who spent his days going from place to place reaching out to those others considered unlovable or unforgiveable by most, showing them love and compassion? The name of a man who did miracles, fed thousands and taught about the ways of God? 

When you try to find 'logic' in something that has a completely spiritual cause you realize logic will not suffice to provide you  with the answer. So you have to ask yourself if you are offended by the name of Christ, why is that? 

I admire Tim Tebow and I believe it is because of his very public faith God is blessing him. He makes it known his abilities are given to him by God, and he is very open about letting the world know Jesus Christ the only Son of God is his savior.

Jesus tells us that if we deny him before men he will deny us before his Father (God). He also said that we are blessed if we do NOT deny him and are not offended by Him.  "And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” Luke 7:23.

So again, the question is if you are so offended by the name of Jesus Christ ask yourself why! 

Tim Tebow’s Witness | jamesrobison.net

Tim Tebow’s Witness | jamesrobison.net

Tim Tebow Man of Faith

I wouldn’t consider myself an avid sports fan, however I do love a good NFL football game. And last nights game between the Denver Broncos and the NY Jets was definitely worth watching if for no other reason than Tim Tebow!

 I was incredibly impressed by this young man last night. Not only did he basically win the game for his team, against the odds according to all the so called ‘experts’, not once did he take credit for the win or even for his talent.

During his interview after the game the commentators kept asking him how he felt about bringing the win for his team, and how he felt about what he did. It was like they were trying to hard to get him to take the credit. But this young man, who is a Christian continually answered those questions by saying he is a blessed man.

The very first thing he did when he sat down was to give glory to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You don’t hear that very often today, someone who has seemed to defy the odds give the credit and glory to God first and foremost.

When he made that 20-yard touchdown to win the game in the last 58 seconds of the game, this young man dropped to his knees thanking God. My son tells me this is completely normal for him and is one of the things he is known for. I think in today’s world awesome! After the game he and several other teamates as well as a couple of the Jets knelt down to pray and give glory to God. Again something my son tells me he does after every game, win or lose. 

During his interview he continually put the emphasis on the fact they are a team and it was and always a team effort! Not once did he place himself above his teammates. He talked about having faith and believing in yourself and your teammates, believing you can do it and working hard. “We believed as a team”, Tebow is quoted as saying.

I have seen headlines today that are calling the Bronco’s win a miracle. To that I say - you are most likely right! When a man lives a life submitted to the Lord, giving him glory and honor in all things, he will be blessed, which in turn will be a blessing those around him.  “A faithful man will abound with blessings” Proverbs 28:20

There are many who have had some very negative things to say about this young man, when asked about that he simply said he doesn’t worry about it or focus on it.

I told my son last night as we were talking about the game and this young man, the reason there are those who try to tear him down or don’t like him probably stems mostly because he is a Christian and he has no problem stating that clearly and often.

He stands on his faith and is not afraid of what people think. Jesus says, “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.  If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. John 15:18-19

It is so nice to see a young man like this who has integrity, humility and faith. It shows there are  still a few sports figures out there who really are trying to be a good role model to those kids out there who look up to these guys. And even the adults who in today’s world need some good role models.

October with Kellen

Little Owl

Kellen's pumpkin

Not too sure about the lion

Pointing at the Lion

Most handsome little man

On the carousel with Grandma

Loves to make wishes...OK so he just likes blowing on the dandelion

Not liking the ears

Trick or Treat?

Riding in style

With his 'brother' Booker

Love his smile!

Illogical Logic

The mind is an interesting and confusing thing. This mechanism called denial is difficult to understand. People seem to have this uncanny ability to not see what they don’t want to see, and only see what they chose to see. I know it sounds confusing, but that is because denial is confusing.

Because I have lived too many years of my life with and around addicts as well as people who have an illogical logic you would think I would understand how the process works. I don’t!

I mean truth is truth, even for those who say there is no such thing as absolute truth, by saying they are sure there is no such thing as absolute truth they prove it does indeed exist. You cannot say there is no such thing and in the same logic say you absolutely believe it to be true! Get my point?

OK back to truth and illogical logic. Logic tells you that using drugs or drinking and driving is dangerous and can lead to a path of bondage, addiction, jail and even death.

Illogical logic says that only holds true for “other” people. And you are the exception. If I had a quarter for every time I have heard someone say, “I can stop any time I want.” I’d be rich. I was going to say if I had a penny for ever time but in today’s economy that wouldn’t make sense. J

I am using addiction as the example because addicts are famous for being illogically logical. I have watched this season of Celebrity Rehab and every week - I listen to what Dr. Drew tells his patients, most still just don’t seem to “get it”.  What really astounds me is watching an addict in denial watching a show like Celebrity Rehab or Intervention and making comments about how messed up those people are, never being able to see that a whole lot of their behavior is the same!

But the same form of denial and illogical thinking holds true for many things in a person’s life.

The alcoholic who says they are not an alcoholic because they are not homeless and out on the streets. They manage to hold on to a job or they are not getting completely wasted every single day, therefore there is no problem. Yet every time they drink they lose control and wreak havoc in the lives of those around them. It makes no sense to me why someone would keep doing the very thing that is causing the problem. Illogical!

Logic says if you have gotten more than one DUI you have a problem.

Again I am astounded at people who have gotten more than one DUI and then think nothing of drinking and driving again.  Or worse someone who gets high on some other substance and illogically tells him or herself it’s different and OK to do because it’s not “drinking and driving.”

Logic says lying is wrong and if you lie- people will begin to distrust you not believe you even if you might be telling the truth. Illogical logic cries, “Why don’t you believe me- just because I have lied a few times (or more than a few times) before? You should still believe me now.”

Denial is simply illogical logic. Saying another person is bad because they do something when you yourself are doing the same thing is denial. Minimizing your own actions because they are YOUR actions is denial. Acting as if you are being persecuted or accused of something unfairly when in fact you are doing that very thing is completely illogical.

I know your probably thinking what IS she rambling about? I look around me and see the state of our society and it scares me!

I see kids today having no respect for authority or for adults in general. People refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions.

When there are consequences for wrong doing or making bad choices - people blame it on everything but their own foolish choice.  It was the horrible childhood, it was a bad break, it was the spouse, and it was just bad luck. Someone spills a hot cup of coffee on themselves and it’s the restaurants fault.

A child lies, disobeys, disrespects or whatever and then when there are negative consequences it has nothing to do with their behavior it’s all just because the parent, the teacher, the police are being unfair or are out to get them.

A person gets a DUI and it’s not because they were drunk- it was because the Cop was being a jerk. Of course it didn’t have anything to do with the fact you were in fact driving while drunk.

The husband or wife who loses their family because they continue to use drugs, or drink or cheat or be abusive - But it’s not their fault, the spouse or family just didn’t love them unconditionally or were not supportive or made them mad.

 A parent lies, and then doesn’t understand it when their child lies. Logic tells us children learn what they live! They learn by example not what you tell them.

Then there is general illogical logic. Example - faith to me means you trust God in everything and knowing He will take care of you no matter what is going on. Faith is trusting regardless of what it looks like.  When I tried to explain this to a couple of people; one who is no longer in my life, their reply was, “So what you are saying is I can just walk out into the street in front of a speeding car and God will protect me. “ My reply is - Really does that sound logical to you?

If you deliberately walk out in front of a speeding car you’re going to get clobbered! God himself tells us there are consequences to foolish choices. Actually now that I think about it, that kind of explains their rational when it comes to some of their choices!

The one who is no longer in my life, continued to use drugs, but because they were prescription drugs it was OK. Add some alcohol and some weed to the mix also. Knowing this behavior is dangerous is pretty much the same as throwing yourself in front of a moving car and expecting God to keep you from getting run over!

But that’s not faith, that’s foolishness! And it’s testing God which we are NOT supposed to do. If something is wrong it is wrong no matter whom you are. If something is dangerous it is dangerous no matter whom you are! That is Logic! Illogical logic says you are the exception to the rules.

 There is a saying common in addiction programs; it says “to continue to do the same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity!” And that does not hold true for addiction alone. 

Again I just don't get it, I don't understand and it is in all honesty making me crazy! Maybe I am the crazy one? Hmmmmm.....Nope...I don't think so! 

More Stories of the Paper

During the first few months I was at the News Messenger our Editor moved on to another paper. Stacey began interviewing to fill the position; I was honored and a bit surprised when she actually asked my opinion on a couple of the potential candidates. We both agreed on one of the last interviewees, his name was Troy. Troy was awesome and a great addition to the office, he was also a bit of a risk taker at times. I don't think it was because he was actually seeking to take risks; sometimes he just reacted and did what needed to be done. 

One morning as we were busy working, and not too long after the Oklahoma City Bombing we heard an explosion just outside of our office. We all ran to the door to see what happened. There was a car parked in front of the bank next to us and it was on fire. There was a woman in the car trying to get out. Troy ran out of our office and helped the woman get out. Once she was out of the car, which was still in gear, the flaming car began to roll across the street headed for the busy Barber Shop. Troy, jumped into the car, threw it in park and jumped out stopping the car in the middle of the street before it could reach the barber shop. The Fire Department showed up at that moment and took over, but not without first telling Troy not to ever do anything like that again! 

Richard, our Outside Sales Rep and I were standing at the door, Troy walked in and the first words out of his mouth were, "DO NOT tell my wife about this!" They were expecting their first child and I am pretty sure that although her husband did a very heroic thing, would not have been pleased about the chance he took! 

Even though Lincoln was a pretty small town we had our share of excitement, sometimes good and a lot of times not so good. 

Our office was one of several along Main Street; the buildings were rustic brick with some great old architecture. Our section of buildings contained the local café, and a bank. Across the street were various businesses with a beautiful courtyard in between the section of buildings. One block down on the other side of the street was another bank; just around the corner across the street was our Police Department.

Of course being the only local paper we had a police scanner in our office. One afternoon we heard a call go out about the bank down the block being robbed! Troy went running out of the office, without his camera and headed to the bank. There was a man inside the bank holding hostages by shotgun. Richard and I stood at the door and watched him run across the street headed for the bank. At the same time we both noticed he had forgotten his camera. I told Richard, you should take him his camera to which he replied, “I don’t think so, you take it to him.” Before we finished the conversation, Troy came running back into the office to grab his camera. We could hear on the scanner the police had the building surrounded and were trying to talk the man out without hurting anyone.

I asked Troy if he thought it was safe for him to be going back over there. This was going to be another, “don’t tell my wife about this!”

A couple minutes later Richard standing at the window says, “Hey Cindy isn’t that your son running this way?” I looked out and her came my youngest son Chris running through the courtyard heading for the office. He was white as a sheet! He was about 10 years old at the time.

He ran into the office and I asked him, “What is wrong?” He kept saying, “Mom we didn’t know he was really going to do it, I’m sorry mom we should have gone to the police. “We didn’t think he was really going to do it!” I asked him what on earth he was talking about.

He proceeded to tell me that he and a couple of his friends were walking down the street, this guy who was holding the hostages happened to be related to one of the kids Chris was with. He was drunk and told the boys he was going to rob the bank and showed them the shotgun. He had also told him he didn’t care if he got out alive.

Apparently this guy had just recently gotten out of jail, found out he had cancer and his life had not been going too good. My first thought was for the people in the bank. If this guy didn’t care anything could happen.

Chris was terrified and thought he was going to be in trouble because they didn’t tell anyone what this guy was going to do. It wasn’t long between the time he showed them the gun and then walked into the bank.

It took them close to an hour to talk this guy out, and thank God he gave up and no one was hurt. The police chief told Troy they were gonna have to give him his own bullet proof vest if he didn’t stop doing stuff like this!

I told Troy when he came back into the office what Chris had told me, he talked to one of the officers and they asked Chris if he would identify the man. I thought they would have him identify him from a distance, you know like they show in the movies! However to my complete dismay the officer told Chris to come over to the car they had the guy cuffed and sitting in. He opened the door, so the guy could see Chris and asked Chris if this was the guy who told him he was going to rob the bank.

I couldn’t hear what exactly the guy was saying to Chris, all I could think was are you serious??? You put a little boy in front of a man who just held people at gun point and you want him to indentify him for you? The officer told the man to keep his mouth shut and stop talking to Chris; a little late considering Chris was already scared to death.  Chris of course had to say yes it was him.

For the next few weeks Chris was worried because apparently a couple of people had made some threats against him a few days later as he was walking home. I told the police chief and he said I shouldn’t be too concerned because Chris wouldn’t be called to testify or anything because the guy plead guilty ...alrighty then easy for you to say it’s not your child that is terrified right now!

Such is life in a small town I guess. 

My Newspaper Years

There are times like the last couple of days when I just feel like writing something, yet seem to be unable to focus on just one thing. With so many things going on in the world and in my family trying to narrow down one subject can be impossible. I have always seemed to get "inspired" in the middle of the night but have decided getting up at 2 a.m. just isn't something I want to do now.  

I use to work at a weekly newspaper when I lived in California. I loved that job, I learned so many things about newspapers, and how they are put together, although 15 years later I'm sure it's a lot more technically advanced than it was. We use to lay the paper out by hand, printing the editorial stuff, the photos and the advertisements. Each piece was laid out on boards in the back of our office, headlines were measured and placed, and all content was laid out before us. Each person in our small office was responsible to proof all copy. The more eyes on it the better usually. If someone missed a mistake chances are the next person looking at it would find it. Although there were a few times mistakes were missed.  

We had a New baby section, Obituaries section, Engagement and wedding section and a Police Report section. The last one always seemed to generate phone calls from people who had been arrested or the family members of those arrested, calling to complain and in a few instances make personal threats against our Editor or our entire staff. It did make for some exciting times, well maybe exciting isn't the appropriate word.  

One week when everyone was exhausted from trying to meet our deadline, I walked into the office to open up as was my routine. The answering machine was loaded with message, not usually a good sign. Apparently our graphics art/photographer placed the Obit headline over a Birth announcement! Not good! We of course apologized and then gave the family a quarter page birth announcement to make up for it. 

When I got the job at the paper, which was called "The Lincoln News Messenger", I had not worked in about 10 years. I had been busy raising kids and four years of that time was when we lived at the Cabin. I had just recently learned to type and work with word processing programs. When we had moved to Lincoln, Ca I had read the local paper once or twice but thought it was kind of wimpy; meaning it at that time was mostly fluff news. Anyway, on one of the days I had bought the paper I decided to check out the classified section. There was a help wanted ad for receptionist at the paper. I decided what the heck I'll apply and see what happens. At the time I really needed a job because my husband at the time worked seasonal and had drug addiction issues so we needed the money. 

I applied and got called in for an interview. The Publisher at the time was Stacy, I met with her and the then Editor Ellen. (I think that was her name). They asked me how fast I could type and then why I wanted the job and why I should get the job. I told them I had always wanted to work at a newspaper, that I would be a hard worker, learned things quickly and would be a loyal employee. They asked me to type up a small classified ad and then print it. Because I had just learned Microsoft word I had no problem remembering how to print. What threw me was I did not know the printer was in the back of the office so when I hit print I thought I had done it wrong..lol Stacy told me months later that the reason I got the job was because out of all the people they interviewed I was the ONLY one who knew how to print!

Stacy told me they would like to offer me the position but that I should know what the job actually entailed first. I would be responsible for typing up and proofing classified ads, answering the phones, helping to proof editorial copy, enter subscribers into the data base, make some inside sales for display advertising, making deposits, and helping with the paper layout on Tuesday evenings to get the paper off to the printer by Wednesday morning for Thursday's delivery. I was also responsible for measuring the advertisement versus editorial content on Thursday mornings to determine cost of postage for the papers that were mailed out. A paper has to have a certain percentage of advertising in relation to editorial content. 

At first I thought, wow can I actually handle all this? But then I decided OK if the good Lord allowed me to get this job then He knows I can handle it, and if He knows I can handle it, then I can handle it. Stacy told me I would start the next morning, which just happened to be Tuesday, deadline day.  As we were walking into the office that morning Stacy told me she hoped I was not offended by swearing but Tuesdays were pretty crazy and I would probably hear quite a bit. I told her, "no it doesn't bother me". I mean I had a husband who was a truck driver and had a horrible mouth! 

She was not kidding about the language that flew through the office that morning! It was crazy but incredibly interesting to watch them all work. My job that first morning was to make sure they were not disturbed while they were getting the paper together, especially the editor. I was also told to make sure anything that came over the fax machine was priority because there were display adds coming from the graphics department of our parent paper that needed to be proofed and if needed corrected. 

It was pretty exciting. It was also pretty stressful at times. Like I said the police reports usually brought a few threats sometimes of a lawsuit, which there was no leg to stand on because arrest reports are public information, and occasionally we or I should say our editor got a couple of death threats or threats of violence. 

I was employed at the News Messenger for four years, during those four years I learned almost every aspect of getting out a local paper. I added to my job description taking occasional photographs, writing a column once in a while, inside and outside sales for special insert features, I covered a City Hall meeting, did the "man on the street" column and photos and got to be pretty good at the whole manual lay-out of the paper. By the time I left four years later that aspect was gone and it was all done by computer along with every body that had originally worked there when I started. 

I loved Stacy, she was an awesome person and a great boss. Because my self-esteem was so low at that time, which is pretty common when you have been in an abusive marriage for 10 or 12 years, I was terrified of making a mistake! I just knew the first mistake would find me unemployed. 

I had been there a few weeks, Stacy had shown me how to measure ads and briefly went over the cost per inch as well as how to determine the cost of running an ad for a period of time. Display ads were sold by inch whereas classifieds were sold based on work count. Anyway, I was a lone in the office one afternoon and a customer came in. He was actually a repeat customer who was already familiar with how things worked. He asked me to give him some pricing on a display ad he wanted to place. I told him Stacy was not in the office and I was very new at doing this type of thing. He insisted I try to figure it out for him because he was in a hurry. I measured out the size ad he would need and told him what I thought the cost was, I also told him I did not know how accurate it was and that he really needed to talk to Stacy before we did the ad. He kept insisting so I wrote it up and took the order. When Stacy got back I told Stacy about the order she looked it over and I had seriously under charged the guy. She had to call him back and tell him we would not do the ad for that price. She was more irritated with the man who placed the ad because he knew what I told him wasn't correct but thought he could get away with it. I thought for sure I was going to be fired! 

After Stacy got off I told her how sorry I was and that I had tried to explain to the guy I was not sure about what I was telling him. All she said to me was, " Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and you F---ed up, just don't do it again." That was all she said. I was thinking wow...she didn't fire me. Working there had a huge affect on helping me overcome my insecurity and low opinion of myself. Everyone in our office was supportive of one another and more than willing to help and teach me whatever I showed interest in learning. And I was interested in learning EVERYTHING!