Life's Consequences

It's hard to believe how quickly the last two months have gone by. I will have been in Indianapolis two months on the fourth of this month. My husband is still in jail, he's been there since May 20th. I believe he is suppose to go to court this week on one of the charges.

I am doing fine, I still sometimes miss my "home". I loved our house, even though it was old, 140 years old to be exact, it had character! Of course I miss my son and his family and my church home also. But I talk to him almost daily on the phone.

I miss my step daughter, who is back in Washington with her mom. I worry about her though. The influences around her now are not very positive and I pray the values and things she was taught by us and her youth group will not fall by the wayside.

I've received a couple of letters from my husband. In both he says how sorry he is, how he wants one more chance to be the husband I've always wanted him and needed him to be, how he has turned his life back over to the Lord, is going to NA meetings and bible study in jail.

My response to this? Good for you, but what happens when you get out of jail? It's easy to say how sorry you are, how you are determined to stay clean and sober, that you are spending every day reading the bible, attending meetings, ect. when you are locked up and have nothing else to do.

The first part of his letters always start with this stuff and then go on to say how he needs my help, could I find it in my heart to put some money on his books so he can get soap, toothpaste, envelopes, paper and stamps? His last letter he made sure to say it would be awhile before he was able to write again because he didn't have the money on his books to buy more paper and stuff.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but guess what, not getting another letter doesn't bother me much. He obvisoulsy still has the same attitude that makes him believe he can manipulate me emotionally by trying to make me feel sorry for him. Guess what...it's not going to work!

I have replied to his letters and told him that although I have forgiven him (because the Lord says we must forgive) it does not mean we will get back together or that I am now responsible to "help" him. It is time for him to rely soley on the Lord!

I reminded him that weeks before I left and he was finally arrested that if he continued down the road he was on he would go back to jail, and this time there would be nothing waiting for him when he was released! He did not listen and now he has made his bed and must now lay in it.

I told him that although I  care what happens to him, I pray for him every day and wish things could be different I will not take yet another chance that his 'new found faith and desire to be clean' will stick this time. It would be one thing if this was the first time he has caused us to lose everything, that he has chosen drugs over me and his family, but it's not the first time! But it will be the last.

He has become so use to people giving him chance after chance, to my being there for him and giving him chance after chance that I believe he thinks I am not serious about what I am telling him. And he still has the idea that because I am a Christian I HAVE to reconcile with him and help him. He has use the 'you're a Christian so you have to be there for me no matter what I do' card for years. What he doesn't understand is there comes a point when the consequences of a person's choices have to be lived with.

I was thinking about this last week when I read in the bible how Moses, although he was God's chosen to lead Isreal out of Egypt, God did not allow Moses to enter the promised land because he disobeyed God. God forgave him and took him to heaven, but he was not allowed to enter the "earthly promised land". I think this is a good comparision.

In all the years we have been married, he has relied on me to "take care of him", and not on the Lord. We used to actually get into arguments when he would ask me what he should do in certain situations that I had no idea how to handle, or even worse those I would give my opinion about and he did not agree with, situations that he should have been seeking God's direction on not mine. When I would tell him he needed to pray about it he would get mad at me.

He has always gone to his dad or family when a need came up instead of relying on and trusting God. Now even his family has cut him off because instead of being a help they were enabling his addiction.
It's not like the Lord had not given him a ton of chances and showed him an abundance of grace over the last couple of years, yet he chose to see that grace as a 'license' to keep making sinful destructive life choices. Just like in his relationship with me, I think he just figured no matter what he did, God would not only forgive him but bail him out!

Now he no longer has a home or a family to go back to when he does get out of jail. Not only that he probably no longer has any clothes or personal belongings left. A week before he was arrested he let some girl move in to "rent" a room. After he went to jail all his drug 'friends' moved into the house, turning it into a drug house. He had sold all the antique furniture when I left, all of which paid for me drugs.

Because he had given this girl permission to move in there was nothing I could do about it. After countless calls to the Greeville Police department I learned they didn't really care what was going on and kept saying it was a "civil matter". Because my husband had let this girl move in only he could say she couldn't be there and of course he couldnt do that from jail. Basically by the time all was said and done, druggies had pretty much cleaned out anything that could be sold, they even took one of the water heaters!

 The house had holes in the walls, the owner (after he paid a visit to my husband to get the Quick Deed signed) found needles, drug paraphenailia, empty baggies and powder residue on the large mirror from the dinning room. Most if not all of my husbands clothes were gone also.

 I feel pity for him but at the same time, it's not like he was not warned of the consequences repeatedly! He will have a rough time when he does get out of jail, but that is between him and God. I have already told him several times in letters our getting back together is NOT an option and he absolutey cannot come here.
I've begun getting calls from the jail on my cell phone, apparently someone sent him my number. He had asked for it in his first letter and I refused to send it to him.

 I don't know why he thinks I will answer his call. First of all I really don't want to talk to him because, even though he may be sincere in the things he is saying, and I hope that he is for his sake I don't want to have to actually 'listen' to him as he tries to convince me how sorry he is. Not to mention I refuse to pay for a collect call. Calls from jail are ridiculously high! I think he has cost me enough already.

I do hope that someday his relationship with his daughter can be healed, along with his relationship with his dad, hopefully before it's too late. I pray he is sincere about his life change, especially when it comes to his relationship with the Lord because if he is not, then he will never get back the relationships with his family and there will be no hope for him in this life or the next!

As for me I will continue to move on with my life! There are times I think about all the years we had been together, and there were some good moments, unfortunately the not so good moments far outweigh the good. And even though there are times I actually do miss him, I am reminded of how things have gone and especially how the last few months of our marriage progressed...that alone is enough to keep me from even considering any possibility of reconciliation!

He did it AGAIN!  Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos brought home the win against San Diego last night! (November 27). The team overcame the struggling Chargers 16-13 in overtime in last nights game. Bringing the Bronco to a 6-5 - winning four straight games. Tebow carried the ball 22 times for 67 yards giving him the record for the most carries in a game since 1950. According toSTATS LLC. 

Known for his strong faith in Christ and his routine of thanking God after every touch town, kneeling in prayer after every game which seems to grate on the nerves of not only some fans who are offended by his faith but other players in the League. Former Denver Quarter Back Jake Plummer has said that although he praises Tebows ablilities he would like his successor a lot more if he publicly praised Jesus Christ less. According to an article in USA Today.  

I love how Tim responded to this critisim from those who seem to take issue with his very public displays of faith. Via ESPN's First Take, he said in part: "If you're married, and you have a wife, and you really love your wife, is it good enough to only say to your wife 'I love her' the day you get married? Or should you tell her every single day when you wake up and every opportunity? And that's how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ is that it is the most important thing in my life. So any time I get an opportunity to tell him that I love him or given an opportunity to shout him out on national TV, I'm gonna take that opportunity."

I find it so interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for celebrities to get up and thank God for awards, or thank God for their blessings in public and it doesn't cause a stir but if you thank Jesus Christ and use his name in a prayer or give him any credit or glory people become offended.

Why do you think that is? I'm not asking because I don't know, I do know the answer. Jesus himself even told us people would be offended by him and some would even hate him. (Matthew 24:8-10)And in turn will hate his followers.

Logically this makes no sense to me. Jesus did nothing but love people, help them, teach them good from evil and give all he had, including his life. Regardless of whether or not you believe in God or the Bible, historically Jesus was a real live person who walked this earth, who was crucified by the Romans at the insistance of the Pharisees and according to a vast number of witnesses rose from the grave. 

Now why would anyone be offended, logically speaking by his name? The name of someone who showed the world what true unconditional love really was? The name of a man who spent his days going from place to place reaching out to those others considered unlovable or unforgiveable by most, showing them love and compassion? The name of a man who did miracles, fed thousands and taught about the ways of God? 

When you try to find 'logic' in something that has a completely spiritual cause you realize logic will not suffice to provide you  with the answer. So you have to ask yourself if you are offended by the name of Christ, why is that? 

I admire Tim Tebow and I believe it is because of his very public faith God is blessing him. He makes it known his abilities are given to him by God, and he is very open about letting the world know Jesus Christ the only Son of God is his savior.

Jesus tells us that if we deny him before men he will deny us before his Father (God). He also said that we are blessed if we do NOT deny him and are not offended by Him.  "And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” Luke 7:23.

So again, the question is if you are so offended by the name of Jesus Christ ask yourself why!