I was listening to my husband and a friend talk about praying for the salvation of family members and how example is just as important as prayer. John was talking about his dad and how he wasn't sure if he would ever accept Christ.
It got me thinking about the choices we make, and how even if we don't see it, affects those who are in our lives and those who pass through our sphere of life.
Anyone who knows me knows the history of my marriage with John. In the 11 years we have been together, there were times I wanted to walk away. Times I came close to doing so. The main reason I did not just walk away and end the marriage was because I knew that was not what the Lord wanted me to do. He pointed out to me numerous times He hates divorce.
That is not to say He will not forgive us if we make that choice, but it is not God's perfect will for our lives and it is disobedience to divorce. And before anyone uses the whole, "but what about in cases of abuse, or adultery?"
If you are in an abusive marriage, remove yourself from that situation. The word of God does say, "A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10-12
The condition of a reconciliation in the case of abuse or ongoing habits or adultery is proof that there has been true repentance and outside counseling help before reconciliation is even considered. At least six months to a year...at least. In some cases separation could be longer. If the offending spouse refuses to get help and does not want to remain in the marriage under those conditions, then you are free, biblical speaking, to walk away from that marriage.
Adultery is really the ONLY biblical ground to divorce a spouse. Adultery does not just mean the other person has actually physically had sexual relations with another person. Adultery is unfaithfulness. A spouse can be unfaithful long before they actually do the deed. However, again, divorce is not God's will even in adultery. He can and will heal any break in a relationship and like it or not we do have to forgive the offending person, whether you stay in the marriage or not.
If that were not the case He would not have given us the example in the book of Hosea. Check it out sometime. It's about God telling Hosea to take a wife who is a harlot( biblical term here). Throughout the book the wife leaves more than once, commits adultery and God tells Hosea to take her back each time. Giving us also a picture of how merciful He is to us when we are unfaithful to the Lord, seeking and serving idols. He draws us back to himself, loving and forgiving us.
Anyway, I said all that to get to this. There was a point in our marriage I had to leave, for my own sanity and to get out of the Lord's way so He could deal with my husband. And although it would have been a lot easier to just end the marriage and move on, a part deep inside me still believed the Lord was going to deliver my husband and some day we would be able to work on having the kind of marriage God wants us to have. (No... we're not there yet but things are headed in the right direction.)
Without going into the dirty details, when I left my husband in California and moved to Michigan I had talked to my father-in-law and told him what had been going on. I also told him I had no intention of filing for divorce because I was choosing to believe someday God would intervene.
Needless to say I got a lot of "why are you staying married to him for?" And to be honest here, I can't and won't take any credit for standing firm because there were many times when I literally argued this point with the Lord. There were times when I threw up my hands and my heart just said..."nope, no way, I am not doing this anymore, I'm done!!" Although I never spoke those words out to anyone but the Lord.
Every time I would get to this point and want to argue my side with God, He was very quick to lovingly point out He hates divorce and to ignore that again would be outright disobedience and rebellion. Didn't matter what I thought, what I felt or what I tried to convince myself to believe. God is God and He means what He says. Therefore I can release what I want or think over to Him and trust him at His word, or I can do my own thing and probably not like the outcome in the long run.
My Father-in-law came to visit us for Christmas a couple of years ago. He spent a couple of weeks with us, at which time he attended church with us. During his visit he accepted Christ. It was awesome because it was my husband's biggest fear, that his dad would die before being eternally secure.
During the visit and various other times, we had talked about things that happened in the past, and how he and his girlfriend were surprised that I stayed in the marriage, and again not that I am taking any credit for it, but most women would have walked away a long time ago. That had impressed them in a way.
I really believe the year and a half that we were separated, my desire to do things God's way and not my own, coupled with his seeing his son finally start to change in a positive manner, served as a living example of the power and mercy of God. Which in turn lead him to realize God is alive, He is there and He loves us.
So even if you think no one is really paying attention to your choices, that they really only affect you, or you feel like giving up just because you can't take anymore, remember two things.
1. God is who He says He is and will pull you through ANYTHING if you surrender to Him.
2. You never know how your choices when obeying and walking with the Lord will affect someone else eternally!
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