He is in Control ...Always!

Sometimes I have to be reminded God is truly in control. That He sees past, present and future. He knows everything that is going to happen before it happens.

He knew Adam and Eve were going to disobey him, and he prepared His plan for forgiveness and salvation before they even fell.

I have been praying for awhile now for the Lord to work in my husband's life. For Him to break him and bring him to the place he needs to be in order for our relationship as well as his relationship with the Lord to be where it needs to be, so we can get back to being married.

I didn't realize when I left California, six months later I would still be in Michigan. Not that I am complaining, I love being here with my two oldest kids and son-in-law. It's been awesome after all the years of being apart, being once again a part of their lives.

With Jason's possible up coming surgery for epilepsy, and various other things that have happened, it's all been a part of God's plan I believe. Everything happens for a reason as the saying goes.

Anyway, even though it's been a major blessing being here, I do miss my husband in spite of all the crap (sorry but only word that describes it) that we have gone through, and the hurtful things that have been done. I do love him and believe in our marriage.

Sometimes when we are hurting we forget God is God and He knows what he is doing. He KNEW what is happening now was going to happen. I have put my relationship with my husband totally in the Lord's hands, including the timing on when we will be back together. Knowing when John is where he needs to be with the Lord, having repented and finally submitted his addictions and/or behaviors over to God, the Lord will open the door for us to get back together.

The last month or so, my husband has been telling me, pretty much on a weekly basis he is sending money for my to fly home. I have not worried about it or made plans as so far, it hasn't happened. Which is simply because God is in control and He knows things are not as they should be.

I believe because I have completely put my faith in the Lord regarding all this, that only when my husband starts being completely honest with me (and himself), stops using ALL substances, and honestly puts the Lord first, going back isn't going to happen.

The Lord reminded me of this yesterday...actually is was almost like having one of those light bulbs go off over my head...

I have been praying daily for him, for the Lord to deliver him, open his eyes and his heart to the importance of total honesty, and to show him his need to put the Lord as well as our marriage first. In my prayers I have been asking the Lord why things have gone the way they have, why it is taking so long... I have known for a few weeks something has not been right...not knowing exactly what is going on, but my husband slipped and told me something he didn't intend to...and it answered a lot of questions..

In that moment the Lord showed me why we have not been reunited yet...and it goes back to knowing God is in control and knows before things happen they are going to happen. The Lord showed me had I gone back now certain things would still be an issue, we would end up going back to having the kind of relationship we had before I left, one filled with dishonesty and "secrets". He also reminded me of something that needs to happen in my husbands heart before the Lord will allow us to reunite.

As hard as it is sometimes and as much as it breaks my heart those times when he isn't honest, or I miss him, I know I have to take one day at a time. Totally trusting in the Lord to work miracles in my life, my husband's life and our marriage. It will happen, I know this with all the faith and trust I have within my heart in the Lord.

Waiting on the Lord is not always easy, and patience is not one of my strong points. But above all things I know my Lord has it covered...and I am reminded of the words of Jesus on the cross...

IT IS FINISHED!

I just have to hold on to the Lord and know...Past, present and future are in His hands...and for all intents and purposes ... it has been done..."Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1-3